How do you forgive someone who continually hurts you? Is it even possible? Is it going to leave negative consequences on your mental health? Answers to these and many other questions can be found in the text below.
I know how it feels when you honestly love someone who keeps hurting you and doesn’t even show any signs of regret. You can’t let go of them, but you simply feel like there is no place in your heart for forgiveness (or heartbreak) anymore.
There are three possible scenarios that can happen in this kind of situation. The first one is when a person starts living in hope that their loved one will change and that their relationship will get better.
But, unfortunately, that almost never happens. They keep forgiving someone who isn’t changing and who keeps hurting them.
By the time they realize it, they become emotionally drained and lost. They feel like they’re stuck in one place feeling powerless to do anything about it.
Another way people react in these kinds of situations is by holding on to unforgiveness. They make a promise to themselves that they’ll never forgive anyone again without being aware of how deeply unhealthy that is.
Unforgiveness is a poison. It imprisons you and doesn’t allow you to be happy and enjoy your life. You simply become its slave, and it slowly starts ruining your life.
The third scenario, and the only right one, is when a person decides to forgive, but only for their own peace of mind. It really doesn’t have much to do with the other person.
Some people simply decide to forgive others who did them wrong because they know that letting go of those negative emotions is good for their own well-being.
The act of forgiveness is truly powerful because it has the ability to bring you that inner freedom.
How To Forgive Someone Who Keeps Hurting You: 15 Keys To Forgiveness
How do you forgive someone who keeps hurting you? Is it really necessary to forgive them in order to move on? Is it even worth it? Does forgiving mean forgetting? Find out answers to these questions in the guide below.
Find some kind of calming ritual
Every time that person hurts you, find a way to calm down. Don’t react while you’re angry because that will most assuredly make you do or say something you’ll regret later.
Establish some kind of calming routine that will help you cope with that situation in the best possible way. Take deep breaths, meditate, enjoy some quiet time, pray to God, put your emotions on paper…
Do everything you think could help you soothe yourself.
Reconnect with yourself
Forget about the other person for a while and shift the focus back on yourself. You need to take care and improve your self-relationship. If you lose it, then that’s definitely something you won’t ever forgive yourself for.
Slow down and just try to hear what your body, your mind, and your soul are telling you. Pay close attention to that quiet, inner voice because that’s definitely the voice of reason.
Focus on self-care
Make time for yourself. Start taking better care of yourself. Don’t let this dark time make you neglect the relationship you have with yourself.
Focusing on your self-care will help you relax, and it’ll definitely boost your mental health. You’ll also see how it’ll positively affect all areas of your life.
Slow down your mind
You’re coping with two processes right now; the process of forgiveness and the healing process. You’re feeling very drained and that’s completely normal. These kinds of things are never easy to cope and deal with.
You have so much on your mind. You constantly think about your past wounds and wonder whether you should continue to forgive that person who keeps hurting you.
If you want to preserve your mental health, you need to clear your head. Stop thinking about it all the time and stop rethinking the decisions you’ve already made.
Stop thinking about the past because you can’t do anything about it. Pay attention to the present and work on fixing those things that you think you were doing wrong in the past.
Never keep your feelings bottled up
Keeping your emotions bottled up is the worst thing you can do in this situation. The fact is that sooner or later, those emotions will come to the surface and it’ll make things even worse for you.
You should open up and talk about your emotions with your loved one. These problems can be solved through honest and reasonable communication.
Not only will it help you deal with this situation, but it can also help you feel better. Even if you fail to make that person understand how much they’re hurting your feelings, you’ll feel instant relief because you’ll know that you tried.
Embrace all of your emotions, even the dark ones
It’s perfectly normal to cry and feel sad when your loved one hurts you. It’s also normal when a family member or, let’s say, your mother-in-law offends you. It’s absolutely okay to feel disappointed when your friend betrays you.
We all experience some negative emotions in life and all of them are eager to be heard. That’s why we can’t and we definitely shouldn’t refuse to listen to them because they’ll backlash even harder.
You must find a way to control and deal with your feelings in a healthy way. Remember, your personal growth lies in embracing negative emotions.
Take responsibility for your feelings without pointing the finger at anyone else. Choose to become the hero, not the victim in this story.
Sometimes, it’s better to be kind than to be right
You don’t deserve to be hurt continually by the person you love so much, I know. If they swear they love you, then they shouldn’t behave in such a way,
I completely agree with that. I know that most people would pursue revenge, but you don’t have to be like most people.
Learn to control your emotions and thoughts. Don’t allow them to control you and make you react in a way you would never normally do. Self-control is a virtue we all should have in order to live a happier, more fulfilling life.
Never go to bed angry
Don’t ever go to sleep with those negative emotions. Even if you feel that you can’t forgive that person right away, pray to God before you go to bed and ask Him to forgive them.
The Bible says; “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.”
The anger you feel is definitely destructive to your relationship with others, but it’s far more destructive to the relationship you have with yourself.
Communicate, communicate, communicate
How do you forgive someone who hurt you? Open up to the person who keeps doing things that are hurting you. Be honest and direct with them, and tell them how much you’re bothered by the way they treat you.
Don’t continue to be quiet about it and keep everything to yourself. It’ll only lead you to more resentment, which will deeply harm your mental health in the end.
The other person’s emotional numbness has probably endangered the emotional connection between you. The only way you can improve it or rebuild that emotional bond is through honest and healthy communication.
Don’t live in the past
Live in the present moment and don’t ever look at the past. You can’t do much about something that was already said or done.
Free yourself from those shackles of your past. You can’t keep looking back. Look forward and focus on your future, and don’t allow anyone to continue hurting you in the future.
Don’t play the blame game
I know that person who is repeatedly hurting you is the one who should be blamed, but playing the blame game won’t do you any good.
You should rather focus on finding solutions to fix your relationship with that person. Try to be more empathetic and less judgemental.
Constant shift blaming is never constructive. Train your mind to see something positive in every situation. For example, you can always learn a good lesson from these kinds of situations, and that’s something you should be focused on.
Understand that you can’t control others
We are all human begins with the freedom of choice. We all have the free will to behave the way we want and do things we want to do.
We can’t control other people and we shouldn’t even try to do it. When someone keeps hurting you, don’t try to change it by trying to control them. This can only backfire on you.
If a person continually hurts you, you just have to understand that they don’t love you the way you think. When someone loves you, I mean truly loves you, that person would never do anything that could hurt you on purpose.
Seek help from others
If all of this has become a little bit too much for you, you should seek help from a family member or another person you trust. Seek those people who love you and care for your well-being. They’ll always try to give you the right advice.
Even if you don’t need advice from anyone, it’s so much easier when we have someone to share our sorrows with. You can’t keep everything to yourself because that will deeply harm your emotional health.
Confide in someone. Find a shoulder to cry on. Reconnect with the Holy Spirit and ask Him to enlighten you about what you should do. These things will take the weight off your shoulders, and you’ll see how you’ll feel instant relief.
Reconnect with God
You’re going through a hard time, and He’s the only one who can help you fight it. Get closer to God again and you’ll see how much your life will improve.
Find answers in prayer. Confide in God all of your grief and worries. Give Him control over your life and things will get so much better.
The amazing art of letting go
How do you forgive someone who continually hurts you? Simply get out of that relationship, let go of the grudges, let go of the past, and lastly, let go of that person.
No matter how much you love that person, you should never allow them to mistreat, disrespect, or hurt you repeatedly. If you allow them to do this, then the only person who should be blamed for it is you.
By forgiving someone who keeps hurting you and by repeatedly welcoming them in your life, you’re only giving them more chances to hurt you.
If you want to live a happier life, start letting go of grudges, negative feelings, and negative people who don’t deserve you.
Should You Forgive Someone Who Keeps Hurting You?
After going through this guide on how to forgive someone who continually hurts you, you can see that it’s not that hard to honestly forgive a person who keeps hurting you.
However, a better question is, Should you forgive them? Is it really worth it?
We’re all human beings, and that makes us all weak a little bit. Not one of us is perfect, and I’m completely sure that there’s no person who has never made a mistake.
My granny would always say that only God is sinless and that’s an absolute truth.
Because we all make mistakes, we should also be able to forgive others. That very special lady, my grandma, would also always say that when God can forgive us all so many times, why can’t we do the same.
No matter how many times you sin, if you honestly repent of it and ask God to forgive you, He will. He will forgive anyone who truly believes in Him and who sincerely repents of his wrongdoings.
God wanted to make us understand that we should forgive others in order to live a healthier and more fulfilled life because the Bible says, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
Unfortunately, most of us aren’t even aware of the true power of forgiveness. It can really purify our souls and heal our hearts. It has the power to make us better humans and make our lives so much healthier and happier.
So many studies have proven that people who forgive live healthier and more fulfilling lives than those who hold grudges and resentments deep in their hearts.
However, I know that it’s very hard to forgive someone who has repeatedly hurt you, even if that’s a person you honestly love. In that case, you really must reconsider first whether that person even deserves to be a part of your life.
You should forgive them, but only for your own peace of mind. However, the truth is that when someone keeps hurting you, that person doesn’t care at all for your feelings.
It’s proof they don’t respect you, and we all know that there’s no love where there’s no respect.
You can’t spend your whole life forgiving someone who doesn’t even deserve you and trying to make yourself believe that person is going to change and that things will get better eventually.
In Ephesians 4:32 ESV, the Bible says, “Pay attention to yourselves!
If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”
The worst thing is that when a person keeps hurting you and you keep forgiving them, they stop apologizing after some time and just expect to be forgiven. Your relationship becomes toxic and your mental health gets ruined.
There should be some healthy boundaries and limitations in everything. The first time someone does you wrong and doesn’t show any sign of regret for their act, you need to reconsider their place in your life.
Once again, I’m not saying that you should hold onto unforgiveness because that’s deeply unhealthy and it’ll definitely harm your mental health. You’ll never be able to.
Forgive others as many times as needed, but do it only for your own well-being. However, don’t welcome those people in your life every time you forgive them. As I always say, forgive, but don’t ever forget.
Don’t come to the point of your life where you aren’t able to forgive yourself for allowing others to mistreat you. Don’t allow them to make you an accomplice in breaking your own heart over and over again.
Never allow those negative emotions to poison your soul and your sincere heart. Trust me, holding on to resentment and bitterness can only endanger your mental health and well-being.
Remember that when it comes to forgiving others, it’s never about them, it’s actually about you and your own well-being.
The only way you can feel that inner peace is by letting go of all the dark emotions and finding a place in your heart to forgive others, even those who keep hurting you.
Wrapping Up
I hope this little guide on how to forgive someone who continually hurts you was helpful for you. I hope my words made you find a place in your heart to forgive others.
A famous psychologist, Robert Enright, Ph.D., says; “Our science shows that as people make the decision to forgive and follow a valid process of forgiving, then the one who forgives experiences considerable psychological relief, such as reduced anger, anxiety, and depression, and an increase in self-esteem.”
Many other studies have shown that people who are capable of forgiving others have more fulfilled lives than those who hold on to unforgiveness.
In order to soothe your soul and ease your mind, you need to forgive others and let go of the grudges.
Always remember, you shall forgive others for your own peace of mind. It’s definitely an act you do for yourself, not for others. Be forgiving and merciful, but don’t ever allow someone to make a fool out of you.