As cheesy as it is, do you want to know what the key to my heart is? A really good knock-knock joke! Yup, I’m that easy. But honestly, what’s wrong with that? Isn’t laughter supposed to be the best medicine?
In order to brighten your day and make you laugh out loud, I’d like to share my personal favorite flirty jokes, pick-up lines, one-liners, dirty pick-up lines and just some really funny jokes to crack you up because I’m sure you could use it.
Who doesn’t like a good joke? God knows they might come in handy with that guy/girl you’re swooning over!
So buckle up and make sure your mouth is empty because these might just make you spit your food out from laughing too hard.
There’s something here for just about anyone, so scroll on and I guarantee you’ll find a winner.
Flirty Pick-Up Lines
How to be flirty over text and win over your crush through texting? Well, to be honest, it’s a lot easier job when you’ve got a good sense of humor. Lucky for you, I’ve got you covered.
Here are some cute, yet hilarious jokes that work as pretty good pick-up lines or sexting messages for her and him and will help you win the heart of that special someone! As much as they try to not laugh, they just won’t be able to resist these gems. These funny and flirty questions are definitely a way to go.
1. Is your dad Liam Neeson? Because I’m Taken with you.
2. Forget hydrogen, you’re my number one element.
3. Do you work for Domino’s? Cuz you a fine pizza ass.
4. Are you from Korea? Because you could be my Seoul mate.
5. Hi, I’m bisexual. I’d like to BUY you a drink…and then get sexual.
6. Are you a campfire? Cause you’re hot and I want s’more.
7. You still use Internet Explorer? You must like it nice and slow.
8. You smell like trash….. Can I take you out?
9. Hi, I’m writing a phone book, can I have your number?
10. I thought happiness started with an H. Why does mine start with U?
11. Mami you are on fire…Le’me be the wind and make you even hotter.
12. I want to be your handbag so I never leave your side.
13. If kissing is spreading germs… How about we start an epidemic?
14. Which is easier? You getting into those tight jeans or me getting you out of them?
15. Excuse me, miss, can I have the time? I’d check my watch but I can’t take my eyes off you.
16. Hi, can I get your baseball jersey? (What?) You know your name and number!
17. Hey, can I follow you home? (What?) Oh sorry, it’s just my parents told me to follow my dreams.
18. Do you like Nintendo? Cuz “Wii” would look good together.
19. If my heart were to fly, your soul would be my airport.
20. You have repainted my life with colors that were previously unknown to me!
21. Did you sit in a pile of sugar? Cause you have a pretty sweet ass!
22. When a penguin finds its mate they stay together for the rest of their lives. Will you be my penguin?
23. You wanna know who’s amazing and has the cutest smile ever? Read the first word again.
24. Do you know what’s on Valentine’s Day menu? Me-n-u.
See also: 300 Romantic Pick-Up Lines That Will Melt Her Heart
Corny Pick-Up Lines
Be honest, corny jokes are just as funny as anything else, so why do they have such a bad rep? Here are some of the best pick-up lines that will change your mind and make you want to use one next time you’re trying to impress a boy/girl.
You won’t know if it’s love at first sight or just a damn good joke.
1. Boy: Girl, you remind me of a box of chocolates… Girl: Why? Boy: Cause I want to take your top off.
2. Boy: There are 20 letters in the alphabet right? Girl: (26, I think) Boy: I must have forgotten U R A Q T Girl: (You’re still missing one) Boy: I’ll give you the D later.
3. Boy: How does it feel? Girl: What do you mean? Boy: To be the only star in the sky.
4. Boy: Nickel for your thoughts? Girl: I thought it was a penny. Boy: I think your thoughts are worth more.
5. Boy: Are your parents bakers? Girl: Why? Boy: Cause they sure made you a cutie pie!
6. Boy: Girl, what’s your number? Girl: I have a boyfriend. Boy: I have a math test. Girl: What? Boy: Aren’t we talking about things we cheat on?
7. Boy: Will you read my palm? Girl: I don’t see anything. Boy: I didn’t expect you to because love is blind.
8. Boy: Have you ever been fishing? Girl: Why? Boy: Because I think we should hook up!
9. Boy: Holy shit (while looking at her). Girl What? Boy: Someone spilled gorgeous all over you!
10. Boy: Do you wanna be my SLUT? Girl: WHAT?! Boy: Do you even know what slut stands for? (S)weet (L)ittle (U)unforgettable (T)hing.
11. Boy: Oh my god it smells like up sexy in here. Girl: What’s up sexy? Boy: Oh nothing much, you?
12. Boy: So you going to be a butterfly all night? Girl: (puzzled look) Boy: You know, pretty to see but hard to catch!
13. Boy: Hi, I’m going to have to ask you to leave! Girl: Why? Boy: The sign says NO SMOKING….and you are definitely SMOKIN!
14. Boy: Let’s play fire trucks. I run my fingers up your legs and you say red light to stop. Girl: Red Light! Boy: Fire trucks don’t stop for red lights!
15. Boy: Have you been watching me? Girl: Why? Boy: Because I wanted you to fall for my smile as hard as I fell for you!
16. Boy: Do you play volleyball? Girl: Yeah, why? Boy: Because you look like you’re good on your knees!
17. Boy: Hi, is your name Google? Girl: No, Why? Boy: Because you have everything I’m looking for!
See also: 93 Coffee Pick Up Lines That Are Bound To Impress
Flirty Rejections
And here are a few hilarious, flirty rejections just to make you laugh some more. If you get served one of these, you can’t even get mad, they’re that good.
Let’s hope your cheesy pick-up lines do a better job than these!
1. Boy: I’d really like to get into your pants. Girl: No thanks. There’s already one asshole in there!
2. Boy: Can you tell your breasts to stop staring at my eyes? Girl: How about you tell your boxers it’s rude to point!
3. Boy: Hey baby, what’s your sign? Girl: Do Not Enter!
4. Boy: Hi, my name is Milk. I’ll do your body good. Girl: Sorry, I’m lactose intolerant!
5. Boy: What are you doing later? Girl: Not You!
6. Boy: You know, unlike all these other guys, I can make you really happy Girl: Why? Are you leaving?
7. Boy: What’s it gonna take for you to come home with me? Girl: Chloroform!
See also: 150+ Good Morning Pick Up Lines To Choose From
Hilarious One-Liners
RELATED: 100 Best And Most Hilarious Jokes About Turning 30
These are priceless. Personally, a damn good one-liner can make me laugh harder than almost anything else. I just love movie characters who are the kings and queens of this department.
It’s not easy to pull them off, but man, are they good when delivered right! Let’s see if these measure up.
1. You may fall from the sky, you may fall from a tree, but the best way to fall… is in love with me.
2. Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
3. If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I’d have a galaxy in my hand.
4. Now, what’s on the menu? Me-n-u.
5. I’m sorry I wasn’t part of your past, can I make it up by being in your future?
6. Are you a singularity? Not only are you attractive, but the closer I get to you, the faster time seems to slip by.
7. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put “U” and “I” together.
8. Excuse me, miss, can I have the time? I’d check my watch but I can’t take my eyes off you.
9. My love for you is like dividing by zero – it cannot be defined.
10. Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you’re CuTe
11. If I freeze, it’s not a computer virus. I’m just stunned by your beauty.
RELATED: 99 Cute, Funny, And Cheesy Friendship Pick-Up Lines
12. Roses are red, violets are blue, love never crossed my mind until I came across you.
13. I’ll be Burger King and you be McDonald’s. I’ll have it my way, and you’ll be lovin’ it.
14. I’m no photographer, but I can picture us together.
15. Are you a keyboard? Because you’re my type!
16. I need more than 140 characters to tell you how beautiful you are.
17. Baby, if you were a fruit you’d be a fineapple.
18. Hi, I’m writing a phone book, can I have your number?
19. Your name must be Coca-Cola because you’re so-da-licious.
20. You’re so beautiful that last night you made me forget my pickup line.
21. Are you a parking ticket? Because you’ve got FINE written all over you.
22. Me without you is like a nerd without braces.
23. I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true.
24. I seem to have lost my phone number. Can I have yours?
25. Do you like my shirt? It’s made out of boyfriend material.
RELATED: Eyes Pickup Lines: 130 Examples That Work Like A Charm
Funny Jokes To Make You LOL
And finally, here are some plain good jokes and smooth pick-up lines that are a mix of all the things mentioned above. You can use these as funny Tinder conversation starters, share them on social media or simply use them in real life and make your crush or friends smile!
Either way, they’ll do the trick as they’re just too good to keep to yourself. Whoever you bless with these will thank you later.
1. What do you and your shower have in common? You both get wet when I turn you on.
2. Are you made of beryllium, gold, and titanium? You must be because you are BeAuTi-ful.
3. Well, here I am! What are your other two wishes?
4. For my next trick, I need a condom and a volunteer…
5. Can I borrow your cell phone? I need to call animal control because I just saw a fox!
6. Did you fall from heaven? Because your face is pretty messed up!
7. Screw me if I am wrong, but haven’t we met before?
8. They call me the cat whisperer, ‘cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.
9. I’m no weatherman but I know you’re going to get 3 inches tonight.
10. Excuse me? Do you work at Little Caesars? Cuz Ur Hot And I’m Ready.
11. Did you get those yoga pants on sale? Because at my house they’re 100% off.
12. I’ll be Burger King and you be McDonald’s. I’ll have it my way, and you’ll be lovin’ it.
13. Do you believe in love at first sight or should I pass by you again?
14. You must be peanut butter because you’re making my legs feel like jelly.
15. Are you a keyboard? Because you’re my type!
16. I’m sorry I wasn’t part of your past, can I make it up by being in your future?
17. Why did the coach go back to the bank? To get his quarterback!
18. Every function without you will always be void of love.
19. Approach a woman in a bar and whisper “Hey, wanna get out of here?” If she says yes, you can sit where she was.
20. My name is John but you can call me tonight.
21. Did you fall from heaven? No, I crawled out from Hell. No wonder you’re really hot!
See also: 175 Hilarious But Sweet Pick-Up Lines For Guys And Girls
Funny Jokes To Make You LOL
And finally, here are some plain good jokes and smooth pick-up lines that are a mix of all the things mentioned above. You can use these as funny Tinder conversation starters, share them on social media or simply use them in real life and make your crush or friends smile!
Either way, they’ll do the trick as they’re just too good to keep to yourself. Whoever you bless with these will thank you later.
1. What do you and your shower have in common? You both get wet when I turn you on.
2. Are you made of beryllium, gold, and titanium? You must be because you are BeAuTi-ful.
3. Well, here I am! What are your other two wishes?
4. For my next trick, I need a condom and a volunteer…
5. Can I borrow your cell phone? I need to call animal control because I just saw a fox!
6. Did you fall from heaven? Because your face is pretty messed up!
7. Screw me if I am wrong, but haven’t we met before?
8. They call me the cat whisperer, ‘cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.
9. I’m no weatherman but I know you’re going to get 3 inches tonight.
10. Excuse me? Do you work at Little Caesars? Cuz Ur Hot And I’m Ready.
11. Did you get those yoga pants on sale? Because at my house they’re 100% off.
12. I’ll be Burger King and you be McDonald’s. I’ll have it my way, and you’ll be lovin’ it.
13. Do you believe in love at first sight or should I pass by you again?
14. You must be peanut butter because you’re making my legs feel like jelly.
15. Are you a keyboard? Because you’re my type!
16. I’m sorry I wasn’t part of your past, can I make it up by being in your future?
17. Why did the coach go back to the bank? To get his quarterback!
18. Every function without you will always be void of love.
19. Approach a woman in a bar and whisper “Hey, wanna get out of here?” If she says yes, you can sit where she was.
20. My name is John but you can call me tonight.
21. Did you fall from heaven? No, I crawled out from Hell. No wonder you’re really hot!
See also: 110 Powerful Space Pick-Up Lines Guaranteed To Impress Anyone
Flirty Knock Knock Jokes
As I already said, a funny knock-knock joke can win me over every time. Use one of these flirty knock-knock jokes from the list below and I’m sure you’ll knock your crush off their feet.
1. Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Kiss.
Kiss who?
ME!
2. Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Aldo.
Aldo who?
Aldo anywhere with you.
3. Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Pauline!
Pauline Who?
I think I’m Pauline in love with you.
4. Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Needle!
Needle who?
Needle a little love right now.
5. Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Ben.
Ben who?
Ben over and kiss me!
6. Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Cheese.
Cheese who?
Cheese a cute girl!
7. Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Honeydew!
Honeydew who?
Honeydew you know how fine you look right now?
8. Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Cynthia.
Cynthia who?
Cynthia you have been away, I missed you.
9. Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Egg!
Egg who?
Eggcited to meet you.
10. Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Evvie.
Evvie who?
Evvie thing that I have is your darling.
11. Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Candice!
Candice Who?
Candice be love I’m feeling right now?
12. Who’s there?
Mayer.
Mayer who?
Mayer days be filled with laughter and love.
13. Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Al!
Al who?
Al give you a kiss if you open this door!
14. Who’s there?
Olive.
Olive Who?
Olive you and I always have!
15. Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Butch.
Butch who?
Butch your arms around me!
16. Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Oman.
Oman who?
Oman, you are cute!
17. Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Mistletoe.
Mistletoe who?
How can I kiss you I’m outside!
18. Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Value.
Value who?
Value be my Valentine?
Dirty Jokes And Pick-up Lines
If you want to heat things up a bit, here’s the right list for you. Below you’ll find some dirty, cheesy pick-up lines, but you really need to be careful with these.
Don’t use these dirty pick-up lines in the beginning phase of your relationship/texting because they might actually drive your crush away.
1. What’s the difference between a Ferrari and an erection? I don’t have a Ferrari.
2. Is your name winter? Because you’ll be coming soon.
3. What did you say your name was? I want to make sure I’m screaming the right name tonight.
4. One of my friends told me girls hate oral, do you wanna help me prove him wrong?
5. Are you an elevator? Because I’ll go up and down on you.
6. I can tell you’re into yoga, why don’t you spend a little time showing me just how flexible you are?
7. Roses are red. Violets are fine. You be the 6. I’ll be the 9.
8. Can you do telekinesis? Because you’ve made a part of me move without even touching it.
9. I was feeling very off today, but then you turned me on.
10. With school, I just want an A. With you, I just want to F.
11. What’s the entry fee for your grand leg opening event?
12. Are you a sea lion? Because I can sea you lion in my bed tonight.
13. You know, if I were you, I’d have sex with me.
14. Is there a mirror in your pocket? Because I swear I can see myself in your pants.
15. Hi, I’m wasted but this condom in my pocket doesn’t have to be.
RELATED: Top 200 Dirty Never Have I Ever Questions
To Wrap Up
Sometimes we feel so nervous when we’re talking/texting with our crush. We’re afraid that we might say something stupid or that the conversation may become extremely dull.
Here’s something that will help you to refresh those dull conversations and to ignite the fun ones. Arm yourself with these incredibly funny and flirty jokes and sweep your crush off their feet every time.
Also, a good sense of humor is one of the hottest qualities a person can have. It’s also proven that humor can increase attraction and greatly improves a relationship. So, use these flirty jokes on your bae and I’m sure you’ll be laughing all the way to the bedroom.
