In today’s flirtation guide, I’m going to teach you how to subtly flirt, offer you the perfect icebreakers, and SO much more.
Mastering the art of subtle seduction is the best way to make the first move without being obvious or tacky.
Being flirty is one thing, but applying these revolutionary flirting techniques will give you the upper hand over anyone else who might be making a move on the one you like.
Aside from the obvious factors (eye contact, body language, and sweet pick up lines), you have to pay attention to the nature of the convo, what type of flirty text is okay to send, and how to avoid ending up in the friend zone.
I know, this seems like a LOT of work. But it’s really not.
If falling in love is your ultimate goal, then learning about subtle flirting will be a fun way to win over the prospective Mr. or Mrs. Right while steering clear of the possible turn-offs.
Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, though. First and foremost, let’s focus on the subtle ways the flirter (you) can leave the best impression in person and through text messages.
To help get you there, I’m going to cover the following (be patient, pay attention, and take notes):
• How to subtly flirt one-on-one
• How to subtly flirt over text (works for both guys and girls)
• Perfect openers (aka icebreakers)
• To emoji or not to emoji?
• Dirty texting – Yes or No?
• Additional etiquette (you’re going to want to hear this)
Now that I’ve got your attention, we’re ready to get started. If you stick to my simple (but effective) tips and tricks, you’ll get your guy’s attention (or girl’s) and leave a lasting impression.
Let’s get to it!
How To Subtly Flirt One-On-One Using These 20 Incredible Tips
Here’s ALL you need to know about how to subtly flirt with a guy (or girl) without blowing it in the first ten seconds.
Play it coy (don’t throw yourself at their feet)
Even if you’ve known this person since high school, don’t be too pushy and obvious. That can be a turn-off.
What I love most about the art of subtle seduction is how you don’t even see it coming. It’s all about the subtle ways you charm the person you like without them thinking you’re annoying.
Being obvious and corny is just too easy. Make an effort to be different and stand out from the crowd.
People appreciate some effort. If you give them the same pick-up line you always use, they’ll write you off instantly.
It’s all in the eye contact…
Prolonged eye contact will never go out of style. It’s respectful, plus it shows the person that your attention is focused on them.
You might be tired of hearing this one, but it’s just the way it is. Take yourself, for example. How do you like spending time with a person who keeps gazing across the room?
I know you can’t possibly enjoy that, right? So, give your crush the same courtesy and focus your attention on them.
…but also the body language
It doesn’t take a relationship expert to tell you how important your body language is. Crossing your arms, tapping your feet, and holding your head down is a huge turn-off.
Instead, smile, keep an upright posture, relax your arms and keep them by your side, and keep your facial expressions in check.
You’d be surprised at how much this affects someone’s first impression of you.
Self-esteem goes a long way
Finding the right balance between being too confident and not nearly enough can be tricky. But not necessarily.
All you have to do is act the way you do when you’re with your family and close friends. Be yourself but don’t act superior.
Show them you’re not someone who feels crushed if rejected, but you’re still human, so, yeah, it would be a bit of a blow.
Take any opportunity to ask them a question
How are you? What are your passions? Have you always been interested in [insert their field of interest]?
Questions help you get the conversation going. At the beginning of a date (or wherever you are), it’s always going to be awkward for the first few minutes. Don’t stress about it too much.
But after the initial nervousness fades, think about a few things you’d like to know about them and ask away. Asking thought-provoking questions is sometimes better than small talk.
They’ll challenge the person’s views and perspectives on things, plus it’ll make you seem interesting and invested.
Stay close but be mindful of their personal space
Don’t crowd the person, and always be mindful of their personal space. How would you feel if the person you were talking to was right in your face the whole time?
It’s uncomfortable and makes you NOT want to keep talking to them. So, be sure to leave them some room to breathe.
You can have the most engaging conversation without feeling each other’s breath the whole time.
Introduce yourself properly
Just because you’re friends on social media doesn’t mean you shouldn’t introduce yourself properly when you finally meet them. It’s basic manners that you should never forego.
So, even though you know each other’s Instagram handles, kindly introduce yourself.
It’s something that I shouldn’t even need to mention, but you’d be surprised at how many people forget to do this (obvious) courtesy.
And don’t forget to smile (in good measure)
Smiling is reassuring, and let’s be honest, it’s just super nice to see. Talking to someone with an indifferent facial expression is almost worse than seeing them frown.
You can bet your ass that you won’t see them again if you’re incapable of forming a smile and laughing at their cheesy joke.
Give the person a break. They’re probably chill and funny AF, but it takes time for everyone’s true colors to shine when you’re in the beginning stages of flirting.
Help them out by smiling (quite often); just make sure not to overdo it and appear like a lunatic.
Treat them respectfully…
This is not your best friend to whom you can say whatever you want, knowing they’ll never take it personally.
This is not a family member who you can just shrug off and do whatever you want to do, knowing that they’ll still be there.
This is someone you’re trying to win over, so act accordingly. Treat them with respect, and no low-blow jokes (they’ll have no way of knowing it’s just your way of breaking the ice).
There’ll come a time for your (inappropriately) funny side to shine. Until then, keep it PG.
…but also tease them in a playful manner
How do you tease without crossing the line? Simple. Know your audience! If you’ve only just met, then perhaps too much physical contact all at once would be too much.
No problem! Tease them with words. Maybe they like a really silly band? “OMG, I can’t believe you still listen to [insert the band name]. I legit forgot they existed!” and give them a big smile.
That’ll make them laugh and tell you off (completely innocently and probably in an adorable way), and you’ll just start talking.
Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not
People can ALWAYS see through that. Besides, isn’t it so much easier to just be yourself? If you’re not into a band they love, don’t pretend that you are, they’ll know.
If you’re not into fancy restaurants and sophisticated food, just take them to your favorite cheeseburger place! Introduce them to something you like and avoid pretending to be into stuff you never do (or eat).
Having to keep up with your own little white lies can be exhausting. If they don’t like you for who you are, their problem!
Leave an air of mystery
Never put all your cards on the table at once. Let the guy you like (or girl) figure you out for themselves. That’s the cornerstone of knowing how to subtly flirt.
Let the person try to figure you out. I personally love mysterious and enigmatic people. It’s a fun experience figuring out all of their layers.
It never gets boring, and it gets you all excited to finally see what they’re all about.
Did you know that compliments trigger the same area in the brain as when you receive money? So, by all means, if you’ve got something nice to say, don’t keep it to yourself.
People will always remember your kind words and actions. You just might make their entire day with a sincere compliment that they’ll never see coming (but appreciate a ton).
Follow their cues
How do you subtly flirt with a great chance of success? Simple! By following their cues. The girl or guy you like won’t even notice this, but they’ll be impressed.
Simply follow their lead. If they’re giving you a reason to believe that you could make your move, do it!
If they don’t seem to be too enthusiastic about the joke you just shared, give it a rest.
Something I always say is: Read the room. See what your audience wants, or in this case – your prospective date.
Touch their skin as if accidentally
Don’t take this as an excuse to be overly physical and don’t get any ideas. What I’m talking about is the art of subtle touch.
Just barely touch their hand (as if by accident) and pretend as if it didn’t happen. When you’re walking past them, elegantly brush your hand over their back and move along inconspicuously.
It should never be forced, nor should you be obvious about it. The whole idea behind this guide is how to subtly flirt.
When you learn how to do that, you’ll notice how much further it will get you than cheesy pick-up lines ever could.
Rut. One of my least favorite words (and things) out there. Leading a predictable life where you always know what awaits and when every day looks the same is just so boring.
Granted, it’s difficult to escape it. The way our lives are, we can’t help but fall into a rut sometimes. But I always like to say that where there’s a will, there’s a way.
You should always bear that in mind when flirting with someone (if you’re hoping to take it to the next level).
Don’t do what you’re expected to. Think outside the box. Go somewhere you’d never normally go on a date. Talk about something other than just your own lives.
The universe is such a vast place, and there are countless things you can discuss.
Show them you’re open-minded by being utterly and irresistibly unpredictable in every possible way. People will dig that (I promise).
Crack a silly joke
Pro tip: First, practice it with people you encounter in your daily routine! That way, you’ll know whether your joke blows or if it’s ready to wow that girl or guy you like.
To me, jokes are only funny if they come naturally. If you’re so obviously trying to force a mediocre joke in the middle of a conversation, it’s going to fall flat.
Be sure that the timing is right and that the joke is light. You don’t want to accidentally insult the person, so I encourage you to check our collection of flirty jokes to be sure you’re being respectful but still funny.
DON’T get too tipsy
Yeah… I don’t think I have to elaborate on this one too much, do I? Getting tipsy in the very first stages of the flirtation process is bad.
Not only will you leave a bad first impression, but it’s almost guaranteed that the person won’t want to see you again.
Please, be mindful of how much you have to drink. Stick to the booze you can handle, and don’t risk showing them your drunk alter ego. Nobody likes a drunken mess on a first date.
You want to be able to remember what transpired the day before, right? Great. Leave the boozy nights for later.
Send them flirty text messages
I’ve always loved to get a flirty text. It gets me in the right mood when I finally see the person one-on-one.
Now, if you’re still flirting over text, you’re going to want to check out our list of conversation starters for texting. This will help you nail the icebreakers and avoid major turn-offs.
Luckily for you, I’ve prepared a whole section on how to subtly flirt over text. If you’re curious to see all the dos and don’ts, I suggest you keep reading. There’s much more on that below.
Don’t be too pushy (let things play out organically)
The worst thing you can do is be all over them and jump to conclusions. What do I mean by this? Well, for starters, being presumptuous and assuming they’re SO into you.
Find the right balance between being confident but also letting them feel comfortable around you.
If you’ve got them hooked, they’ll let you know. That’s precisely why I mentioned how important it is to follow their (subtle) cues.
How To Subtly Flirt Over Text (Guys & Girls Edition)
In this day and age, flirting over text messages (and social media) comes more naturally to us than doing it in person.
The thing about texting is, you can’t see the person, so the basic flirting musts go out the window (eye contact and body language). That’s where emojis come in.
Just like with anything else, there are many advantages and drawbacks to all of this.
How do you know when you’ve overdone it with the emojis? How can you be sure that the girl or guy you like finds you funny? Did they just type a quick ‘LOL’ while rolling their eyes at their phone?
Yup. Learning how to subtly flirt over text can be stressful and confusing. But it doesn’t have to be!
Have you ever stopped to think that flirting is just a playful conversation? One that should be fun, enjoyable for both parties, and give you all the warm, fuzzy feelings.
To help you achieve this, I’ve prepared a few useful tidbits to help you play your cards right.
At the end of the day, you have nothing to lose. Even if you hit a dead-end, you’ll know you gave it your best shot. Sometimes, it just isn’t meant to be, regardless of the flirting technique you used.
So buckle up, and get ready to win over your crush in no time.
Flirting over text can be as sweet as the movies make it seem. How? Follow the tips below and see for yourself!
Perfect Openers That Always Hit The Mark
To help get your crush interested, here are a few simple tips that always work. Some of them can be executed over social media too, so pay close attention!
Avoid lazy and careless initiators
The surest way to get the person NOT to reply is by sending them the boring, unimaginative, lonesome “Hey.” What on earth is a person supposed to do with that?
It fills me with dread, and I immediately write the person off. I mean, you’re the one who wants to talk to me. So, make it count!
This is something you should avoid at all costs. If you want to leave a good impression and engage them in conversation, send them something they can work with.
Ask open-ended questions, ask for their opinion on a current subject. But don’t think for a second that you’ll impress anyone by leaving the ball entirely in their court.
Make sure that the vibe is right
In these uncertain times, you’ll probably be tempted to check in with them and see how they’re doing under the current circumstances. Don’t.
That’s not flirting. That’s something you’d ask a close friend or family member. Instead of a worrisome check-in, send them something cute, personal, or playful.
If you have a history with them, hit them with “Remember this?” and evoke a case of nostalgia. If you hear a song that reminds you of them, send them the link, with an appropriate short caption.
You want the vibe to be inviting, appealing, and engaging. That’s why setting the tone is so important. You need to make the person feel comfortable, as opposed to stressed out by an annoying text.
Respond to their Instagram story (and slyly slide into their DMs)
Sliding into their DMs is the perfect flirting technique. What do I mean by that? Well, Instagram is kind of the perfect ‘place’ to flirt.
We’re talking about an app that’s primarily for posting photos and wasting time, so hitting a casual note is easy to do there.
Wait until they have an Instagram story out, then reply whatever comes to mind; just remember to be subtle but flirty. Send them a cute meme, silly filter, or anything that isn’t overly serious.
The conversation should go on in the DMs seamlessly, without being forced, as Instagram is anything but formal.
Even if the convo doesn’t get you anywhere, it won’t feel weird due to Instagram’s casual vibe.
Send a cute selfie with an even cuter message
“Miss you, miss me?” Who could resist something so simple, yet so cute? Naturally, you shouldn’t send this if you don’t know this person well enough.
Don’t be afraid to open with a selfie, especially when it’s followed by something cute. This will leave a strong first impression and show the person that you mean business.
If you want to casually ask them out, you could write something simple like “See you later?” with a winking emoji.
That way, your intentions are clear, and they are kind of ‘forced’ to respond. Hopefully, it goes in your favor, and you get to show them you’re every bit the flirter in person too.
Ask them a genuine question
Asking them cute questions shows your sincere interest in them, and it makes them feel good. This is conversation 101.
For starters, you can ask them a simple, well-intentioned “How are things?” or “How’s it going?” and see what their general state of mind is.
Once you get the conversation going, it’ll be easier to hit them with a more intentioned question, such as:
• “Hey, we should make pizza together sometime this week.” (or whichever food you’re both super into)
• “You’re telling me you’ve never heard of [insert actor/band name/theater play]? I’m taking you to their next show ASAP.”
• “Did you see the [insert TV show name] finale last night? We need to talk about THAT scene.”
Get them interested by talking about something you’re both into. It can be a TV show, book, movie, event, musician, artist, virtually anything.
All of the questions above will help keep the conversation going and create an organic bond based on mutual interests.
And finally, time for flirty questions
A flirty question leaves a lot of potential for fantasy while at the same time being an awesome (and exciting) icebreaker.
Depending on the rapport you have with the person, consider some of these:
• “Hey, I was just wondering… What are your thoughts on this?” [send a pic of something hot]
• “What do you want to do when we finally get out of here? I’m open for *anything*.”
• “What would you be doing to me if we were together right now?”
• “Do you believe in lust at first sight?”
And so on. You get the gist, right? Now, what’s important here is knowing your audience.
Don’t startle the person you like by sending them a horny question if you’ve just met. These should be reserved for a guy or girl you’ve already built a rapport with.
They will help you spark their imagination BIG time and make them want you badly. Now, it’s only a matter of time before one of you makes the first move and gets the party going in real life too.
To Emoji Or Not To Emoji? (Pros & Cons)
Figuring out whether or not to use (too many) emojis in your flirty text messages is a common debate among many.
I’ve always been an avid emoji user. I mean, how else am I going to show the person that I’m just being a tease?
Alas, these can also backfire if you don’t know how to use them properly. Hence the constant dilemma.
They will either make the person smile at their phone or lead to a total communication breakdown. There’s no in-between.
So what’s the verdict? Should you use them or not? Check out my pros and cons list and decide for yourself:
• Let’s be honest. Not only are emojis affirming, but they’re also simply necessary (in particular situations).
• When you can’t hold eye contact and use your body language to show the person that you’re interested in them, they’re the only way to help them detect your tone.
• They are a fun addition to your text, and they also add zest and color to the convo. And if you’ll allow me to take it to the kinky side, using emojis is a FANTASTIC way to create dirty images.
• For the artistically inclined folk, conversing with the help of these kinds of modern-day hieroglyphics can add a fun layer to your text banter, particularly if you’re naturally creative.
• If the other person isn’t well-versed in emojis, it’s more than likely to lead to a huge misunderstanding.
• On top of that, while sending kinky emojis might be a turn-on for some, for others, it comes off as tacky, corny, and presumptuous (sometimes even aggressive).
• Using them depends on the dynamic you have with someone. If you believe that you’re in a place where you can exchange them in abundance, while the other person doesn’t, you have a problem on your hands.
• Some people simply don’t understand what you’re going for when you shoot them an eggplant and a doughnut emoji. This could lead to an awkward exchange that you both could’ve done without.
What About Dirty Texting?
When it comes to dirty texting, I’m ALL for it, but there’s a time and place for something like that.
This can be a major turn-on, but to some, it’s simply vulgar, especially if you’re not on the same page when it comes to what constitutes ‘dirty.’
I’ve received SO many beyond weird dirty texts that I just couldn’t make up my mind on. Check out this one:
“I want to stick my hard rod into your wet pond!”
What does one reply to that? Needless to say, this led to the end of my short-lived flirtation with one dude. I’m no prude, but, come on, man. Have some freaking class, am I right?
I’m not that particular when it comes to dirty texts, but when you’re so obvious and TACKY, don’t expect a reply.
If you’re not into this vibe, that’s okay. Don’t force yourself into something that makes you feel uncomfortable.
If you ARE cool with this, here’s my suggestion. Keep it as short as possible. I find that it leads to mystery and excitement.
Here are some examples I LOVE using with my man:
• “That was nice.”
• “Oh, yeah?”
• “Good job.”
• “Hm, more…”
• “Yes, but go deeper.”
• “Show me!”
It makes me all tingly just thinking about this. It’s hot, powerful, and gets you in the mood big time. You’ll notice the absence of filthy language. That’s PRECISELY what makes it so hot.
This will stir something inside the person you’re flirting with and lead to an explosive exchange (pun intended).
Extra Tips And Tricks To Help You Seal The Deal
Final tips and tricks on how to subtly flirt with a girl over text (works for guys too). Pay attention to these, as every little bit counts.
Flirting is an art form, and these will help you nail it!
Double texting or not?
When the conversation naturally dies, there is an initial panic about what to do next.
Should you try one more time? Maybe it’s time for double texting? But will it be too much? The answer is yes. Sending a few unanswered texts in a row is too much.
Maybe they’re just not interested, or they’ve got somewhere to be, so they can’t reply instantly. When they see their phone and your three texts in a row, it’ll be off-putting, to say the least.
My suggestion is to ALWAYS say no to double texting. If they want to talk, they’ll reply eventually. If not, their problem.
At least you’ll know you weren’t to blame for pushing them away by texting too much.
Don’t let misinterpretation kill the convo
Just like in real life, someone’s bound to be misunderstood over text. After all, without eye contact and body language, you can’t convey emotion over text.
Don’t let this kill the vibe. If you’re not sure what the person means, ask for clarification! It’s as SIMPLE as that.
And if you start getting the feeling that the person has trouble understanding you, send an additional text that clarifies the previous one.
If your flirtation is going well, this shouldn’t be too big of a problem. Just talk openly and don’t take stuff personally.
Replying to weird texts
Don’t be too alarmed if the person sends you a weird text that you just can’t get to the bottom of. People have different tastes. Maybe you’re simply not used to their sense of humor.
You have two choices:
a) Don’t respond, and talk again tomorrow as if said text wasn’t that big of a deal, or
b) Simply change the subject. Introduce a new topic of conversation and move the conversation along.
Both solutions are perfectly reasonable, and it’s up to you and how you wish to proceed. This is not a deal-breaker, so don’t stress over it too much.
Ending it on the right note
One thing you shouldn’t do is leave them on ‘seen.’ Nobody likes that, and I mean nobody.
Try this. Say you had a great time talking, but you have to be somewhere now, so you’ll be sure to text them the next day. And maybe add a winking smiley face?
OR, you can turn the tables on them. Say that you enjoyed the convo a lot, but you have to go now and ask them if they’ll text you tomorrow.
That way, you give them a reason to think that you genuinely want to hear from them again, but you’re hoping that they’ll shoot a text first. As long as it ends on a positive note, you’re good.
Lastly, don’t forget to ENJOY the flirty banter
When answering the question: How do you subtly flirt? The most important thing I want you to take away from this is to ENJOY it.
Flirting should be fun. It shouldn’t stress you out, nor should it be draining. Don’t get in your head too much. That’s a sure way to ruin a perfectly good thing.
Be relaxed, nonchalant, and do your best to win this person over. Present yourself in the best possible light and let all your qualities work in your favor.
Flirting is a mysterious endeavor that could lead to so much, but only if you don’t put unnecessary pressure on yourself.
Now you’ve got the tools, all that’s left to do is put them to work and see what happens. May the odds be ever in your favor.